plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
now i know why i became what i already was.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
