She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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