I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
