Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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