I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I am midnight drunk by noon
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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