There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
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