We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
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How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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