I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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