I saw his package. It spoke to me.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
