I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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