Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
