I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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