i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I didn't notice because vodka
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
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