Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
