Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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