I think scott just propositioned me for sex
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
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