Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
