In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
