when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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