Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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