please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
please come you make the beer taste better
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
