No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
