yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
