and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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