my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.