I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell