all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow