biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
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You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
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i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.