Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
