i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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