So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize