Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
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