I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
