he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
