Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
