yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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