Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
