i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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