His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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