worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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