I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
