Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
