im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I just found a bag of teeth...
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Randomize
