wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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