i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
