dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I just sucked dick on a ferry
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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