the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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