I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
