my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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