So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
