I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
