She is in my trunk
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
30+ People Share Their Worst ‘Intimate Experience’ And They’re Traumatizing
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?