we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles