I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
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This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
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Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing