Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.