I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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