hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Randomize
