Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
