You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
