Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
