The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
