grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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