I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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